Mateus, Goblet, Ward 19 plot 42

The Lazy Paissa Bar

Start your adventure in Ul'dah...


Surely there can't be more to this dingy little bar than what the sign says, right? Keen eyes, sharp ears and unbridled curiosity might reveal more, however ... if you are brave to investigate.

A glimpse beyond Ul'dah's gilded fa├žade, into the shadowy corners and veiled nooks - every coin has two sides.

Whether you are a vigilante willing to fight in order to bring peace and prosperity to the region of Thanalan; or a criminal mind willing to expand your influence and power for your own purposes - there is a rumor circulating the Ul'dahn underground of mysterious stones, akin in power to the fantastic and rare soul gems, said to grant the wielder the power of the strongest of thaumaturges ... at the price of the user's own lifeforce.

The long trail of corpses and shattered gems point towards the mysterious and powerful figure known as Goldtooth, a presence both feared and respected within the shadier circles of Ul'dah.

What to expect:

  • The storyline is built around a longer campaign, introduced through a series of in-game events such as bounties and jobs and personal RP events held both in-game and through Discord. The campaign has been ongoing for over a year, with a variety of people and groups involved. No matter if you are here for the long haul or just a single story, you will find an easy introduction with the standalone chapters or enjoy the greater image of the full story~

  • The main purpose of the campaign is to play on characters' strengths and weaknesses and allow personal character development.

  • As a DM I will NOT permanently maim or kill your character, unless such is agreed prior/it is a wish of the players themselves. Then we might work something out ;)

  • The character power level in this campaign will be rated between adept and Veteran. Your character will be expected to know how to use a weapon/their specified school of magic of choice but it is not meant for the WoL/Scion/Ascian level of shenanigans.

  • To allow you to use your characters' strong and weak points and keep the game balanced, we will be using an RP system during the events.

  • Most events are hosted around EU time (after 7 PM BST/GMT)

...or simply enjoy your stay.

Welcome to the Paissa...!

The Paissa might be lazy - but we are not!

Welcome to the Lazy Paissa Bar!
Prepare yourself for an evening of simple pleasures - starting with our wide range of homebrew ale, cider and beer on this journey which will test your iron will, curiosity and palette!

Try today:

  • our card and dice games, gambling not only your gil but also the clothing of your choosing (We might kick you out before you reach the undies)

  • our exotic snacks - matured steak strips, beef jerky, curated meats, baked popotos & more!

  • a plethora of custom-made drinks with a little spice of alchemy here and there. We promise there is nothing to worry about. Maybe. Perhaps. Probably.

What to expect:

  • Bi-weekly ranked matches with a ranking pyramid system. Every month, these brawls will show us the true champion of the bar through a series of matches, which will let you climb the ladder of conquest! The winner gains the title of Champion as the effort of their results.

  • The champion will go on the champion's wall, with a custom IC (OOCly drawn portrait to go with it!). Check our posters to see the style :)

  • We reward loyalty not only that of our regular brawlers but patrons willing to mingle and interact with our quirky staff. Show your investment in the ongoing story and take part in the adventures which shape the future of the Lazy Paissa Bar!

  • We are not an FC - just a community of individuals who enjoy action and the occasional exchange of fisticuffs. There's no pressure to join any in-game FC nor to be on a certain server. just... tag along! And if you'd like to stay in contact, join our Discord or Linkshell!

  • Having your character's morality and principles tested. Maybe. Who knows.

Accept our challenge!

Brace yourself...
...for a challenge!

It is said that the most interesting things happen once you decide to leave your comfort zone..
Our dear Paissons have decided to put it to test! Every month, you might expect a new challenge coming your way - so, rub your hands together and try your luck against many considerable foes... it a drinking contest, mud wrestling or a Namazu-tossing challenge - Paissa is always here to provide you with a worthy task to overcome!

What kinds of challenges you might expect?

a cooking contesta drinking contestmud wrestlingNamazu tossinglifting tables filled with Lalafell over your own head for the duration of 20 heartbeatsThis-One-Challenge-Involving-A-Bucket-10 ilms-Of-Rope-And-A-Bottle-Of-Rolanberry-Sauce-We-Never-Talk-AboutTrivia

Get In Touch*

* WELL. Maybe not like THAT

Reach out to:

  • Nehmain#0615

  • Tybresa#9200


Labeled Ale: 4 gil might not be the best beverage in the world but at least it has a familiar label...

Un-labeled Ale: 2 gil
Half the price - half the certainty that your kidneys will survive the encounter. Carpe diem...?

Gridanian Whisky: 8 gil
A glass of amber liquid with a light, fruity scent and a strong, alcoholic aftertaste. For this price, it is rather tasty. Amazing with beef jerky!

Fruity Wine with no label: 4 gil
For those who want to look fancy with a glass of wine without it being an experience too heavy for their purses. Tastes very fruity. And maybe slightly vinegar-y.

Ul'dahn Honey Wine: 12 gil; 40 gil for a bottle
For those of you who feel like having something fancy - or willing to celebrate. It has a rich, honey aftertaste, making it more akin to mead.

Ishgardian mead: 8 gil
Freshly imported from Coerthas, as rich in flavour and diversity as Ishgardians themselves. Best paired with a Gridanian Mature Cheese serving.


Characters by the bar are welcome to order the drink called 'surprise me', on top of all other standard drinks one might expect. It seems like 'surprise me' includes a single drop coming from one of the 20 mysterious vials...
Should you drink one of the 'surprise me' drinks, you are welcome to make a /random 21 roll to get one of the below effects:

1: Bubbly brandy: receive a clear transparent drink which... somehow smells of strawberries. Upon trying it, you find yourself happier-... This was suddenly a very good day and you cannot even say -why-.

2: Broody Mary: You receive a glass filled with... small blue jellies? They taste rather good, like a mix of blueberries and-... well. They are good. It feels like they are the only good thing in your life right now...

3: Wiggling Whiskey: The drink you receive is yellow and sour. Yellowy sour. Sourly yellow. It's definitely easy to drink-... why are you so ITCHY out of sudden?!

4: Stumbling Shots: Your glass seems to glow lightly... glow! Why is it glowing?! Upon trying the drink... you find yourself lost in its taste... flavour... you are in fact so lost, you find yourself forgetting the last 5 minutes. Why were you holding a glass of drink in your hands, again? It smells nice, though...

5: Tragic Tequila: ...your drink earns a light green colour. It tastes sweet and bitter at the same time - the person standing nearest to you might soon look less appealing and trustworthy than usual...

6: Romantic Rum: Your drink takes a nice purple shade, smelling sweet and flowery. Upon drinking it, you might find yourself... oddly attracted to the person standing near you!

7: Vicious wine: Drink tastes like a mix of wine and cherry liquor. Its fruity flavour lingers on your tongue for extende-... wouldn't you say the face of a person standing near you is very punchable?

8: Awesome ale: ...the drink tastes bitter but it soon fills you with a sense of wonder! Everything is amazing! This lamp! This wall! The iris of the nearest person! So curious ! So fascinating, so interesting that you cannot help yourself but poke and prod at all these amazing shapes, colours and sizes!

9: Coaxing cider: You enioy the sweet, fruity taste of your drink. It reminds you of an apple pie, somehow. It also makes it somewhat easy for others to persuade you into doing their bidding...

10: Chicken sherry: ...this drink oddly tastes like... chicken. No. Everything tastes like chicken. I mean-... what?

11: Mischievous martini: It tastes odd. But you somewhat cannot say if it was odd-odd... good-odd or bad-odd. You don't bother yourself with these thoughts for too long however, as you already form a plan to prank the person near you...

12: Cringy coniac: You definitely enjoy the subtle taste of the drink... until you don't. Because everything tastes like slime. Rotten meat. Sludge. Bathwater which someone used one too many times. GROSS.

13: Rogue rakia: ...the drink is strong and hits just the right spot. You might pick one of the random effects of any other drink from the list!

14: Ghastly gin: ...the drink appears bitter and... well, not unpleasant but not actually tasty either. It also makes you feel like some unspoken, intimidating entity is staring right at you. Wherever you are. Wherever you look, you feel invisible eyes on you. It is rather unsettling...

15: Visible vodka: it is a straight, classy drink. It makes you-... wait. You look down on yourself. And you are naked. Yes. You are pretty sure you see yourself... as... naked. Where did all of your clothes go?! [illusion]

16: Assuring absinthe. You don't know what it is but you feel the warm embrace of herbs and spices of the drink envelop you in a warm, fuzzy feeling of love, warmth and safety... mmmm...

17: Sassy sambuca: Your drink tastes somewhat herbal. Or something. You don't care, really. What was the other patron saying? Gosh, they are annoying. Why don't you tell them how annoying they are with some witty remark?

18: Begrudging Bourbon. Your drink tastes good. Somewhat good. However, as you look around yourself you find the gaze of others lingering on you. You feel like others are here to get you. Mock you. Insult you.

19: Approving Applejack: your drink definitely tastes of apples. It also makes you desperately seek approval of others. VALIDATION is the key.

20: Shy Sake: find yourself blushing like an innocent maiden before her wedding night at every accidental touch and glance of other patrons...

21: Duma's Dishwater: You taste what you imagine the color blue would taste like for 10 minutes. After which you can no longer see the color blue for an hour

22: Champion's Champagne: Your drink is almost midnight black, with silver spots decorating its surface. It looks... alluring, like a night's sky. After drinking, you find yourself hallucinating falling from outer space straight down into your body.

[[Disclaimer: These effects are just for fun and to add us some good ol' twists to the usual 'tavern rp'. Would you like to drink 'surprise me' and see where the night leads you? RP out the effect as you see fit to your character - I am leaving the interpretation of the effect fully in your hands - make it FUN!**]]

The Paissa Pantry

(aka, proper home-cooked meals, courtesy of Sybelle)


Beef Stew / Baked Onion Soup: 10 gil
A simple but no less hearty meal, customers can choose between stew with buffalo meat, slow-cooked in sour red wine to perfect chewy tenderness or bouillon soup with diced sweet onions, covered with shredded cheese baked in an oven.

Aldgoat steak w/ side of popotos or spinach: 14 gil
A thick cut of aldgoat chuck seasoned and charred over an open fire, accompanied either by a side of creamy mashed potatoes, or La Noscean spinach sauteed in salted butter.

Chicken and Mushrooms: 12 gil
Oven-baked chicken breast with a side of sauteed gil buns and sprinked with a dash of oil, this meal is sure to fill you up without making you feel bloated, leaving one comfortable to mingle and not feel as lazy as the Paissa!

Roasted Nopales: 8 gil
A Thanalan specialty, the oval-shaped leaves of this cactus are roasted in the same manner one would a steak, all the while slathering it with aromatic oils and sauces to turn it into a juicy and refreshing meal.

Paissa Burger: 20 gil
A specialty of the house, customers can order a sandwich tailored to their own tastes, with several types of bread (homemade white bread, kaiser buns, highland baguette) and their choice of meats (roast chicken breast, boiled ham, bacon, liver loaf), cheeses (cream, brie, salted yak slices, smoked) and veggies (tomatoes, spinach, lettuce, onions). The chef has special dough balls she uses to make a 'cute' Paissa face on your order!


Paizza: [Price varies depending on the size*]
Available only with the outside oven, this is a specialty you won't find anywhere else ... a round dough sprinkled with all kinds of toppings for your preference, left to bake on an open-fire grill until it's all crusty and savory, enjoy nomming into this treat as the chef would go through great pains to make the toppings look like a paissa's smiling face! (At least, there's an attempt.)



Fruit Jelly Chocolate Cake: 1 slice - 5 gil
One of the chef's specialties, customers can lose themselves to the mixture of flavors brought to you by a divinely rich chocolate cake layered with fruity jams, of various choices - apricot, rolanberry and peach.

Apple Strudel / Honey Muffins w/ a cup of Hot Chocolate: 8 gil
A 2-for-1 special - whether you long for the flaky-crusted strudel filled with chopped apples glazed in birch syrup and sprinkled with a pinch of cinammon, or want the simpler (but no less delicious!) fluffiness of a honey muffin, every order will come with a cup of hot chocolate for you to enjoy your dessert!

Sweet Fruit Cream: 6 gil
Don't have a sweet tooth? Don't worry, there's a treat for you too - lose yourself in the richness of sweet cream mixed with fruits of your choosing, as well as sprinkled with extra toppings (sauces, cinammon or a dollop of honey) as per your wishes.

Roasted Honey Chestnuts: 8 gil
An old Coerthan treat from before the Calamity, these chestnuts were left to marinate in honey for several days before being roasted on an open fire, sprinkled with cinammon and a special ingredient from the Chef. Crunchy and delicious, a perfect treat to share with others!

Paissa Life & our events

Our Adventures

OOC fun

Our meme moments